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When it comes to crying, women can squish up their cheeks and make weird, shrieking, catlike noises. But a "real" man could see his entire family eaten by aliens and if you Photoshopped the water from his otherwise still face, it would look as if he were watching a particularly riveting Super Bowl play.
I am an expert manly crier. When done right, a lone tear displays no weakness yet manages to say, "Baby, I care about you deeply, even if it's only in two very small ducts of my body." Man tears are powerful things.
And they should be used rarely. Because while women say they want an emotional dude, a man who displays his feelings too readily will turn off many women because he appears feeble. The trick is to show just a little vulnerability now and then to reassure women we're not robots. Too much crying and we lose the only clear-cut role we have left (now that females are more educated and often more highly paid than we are): being the protector. Then, all we'll be good for is opening jars.
But lately the brotherhood has been shedding tears too easily, too publicly, and too lame-reason-y. Conan O'Brien supposedly cried when he announced to his staff that he was going to give up hosting The Tonight Show. Wyclef Jean cried after his charity, Yele Haiti, was accused of wrongdoing. Then earlier this year, Evan Lysacek of the U.S. men's Olympic figure-skating team cried while awaiting his scores in Vancouver. Every man knows the only sport you should cry over is T-ball.
These guys are driving down the price of my precious man tears, and it must stop. "Today's man is different from men 20 years ago," says clinical psychologist Michael Diamond, Ph.D., author of My Father Before Me, whom I called to find out why men are dissolving like this. "Part of it stems from gender roles not being as stringent as they were in the past, and the economy has contributed to that. This has made some men drop the macho act. But society hasn't really accepted this yet, which is why men don't get sympathy when they cry."
A tendency to tear up will only get worse as your guy gets older. "As men age, they become more comfortable with their nurturing, more relationship-oriented side," says Diamond. "And although it's not clear why, a decline in testosterone may play a part in it." For all these reasons, the faucet turns on more easily with each passing year.
At the very least, we need women to stop giving us mixed messages. "Women say they want a sensitive man, but they still want him to be strong," says Diamond. "Perhaps a strong man is one who feels so comfortable with his sexuality that he can cry without caring what others think."
Behind the Tears
Nonverbal expert Joe Navarro, author of Louder Than Words, weighs in on the legitimacy of some high-profile waterworks.
1) Wyclef Jean, reacting to accusations against his charity, Yele Haiti: "This is a look of extreme pain. It's tough to do--actors often can't do it well. His eyes are clearly showing that he's fighting the pain."
2) Brett Favre, talking about his decision to retire from the Green Bay Packers in 2008: "He's trying to appear stoic and controlled. His compressed lips and forehead show that he's suppressing a lot of emotion and tension."
3) Roger Federer, after losing his final match at the 2009 Australian Open: "His chin is down, which indicates a deep negative emotion. He has redness around his eyes and nose--this happens with real tears."
4) President Barack Obama, the day after his grandmother passed away: "The crinkle of skin above his nose and the furrowing and stitching of the brow are things people do only when they are in deep emotional pain."
5) South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, after admitting to an extramarital affair: "There are emotions when we are caught, and emotions when we feel bad. It's hard to differentiate between the two here."
6) Jake Pavelka, after being eliminated on season 10 of Dancing with the Stars: "The blank, distant look in his watery eyes is a sign of genuine grief. His pinched eyebrows also indicate deep discomfort and pain."
What Men Say Makes Them Weep
Source: MensHealth.com
Death of a pet 33%
Crying is for girls! 20%
Birth of a child 16%
Being dumped 15%
Sad movies 8%
Physical pain 6%
Weddings 2%
Want More? Subscribe Today and Save 80% Off the Cover Price!
Last updated: July 7, 2010 Issue date: July-August 2010
GUY CRYING
Cry Babies
Writer Joel Stein wonders what's up with all the man tears! Here, he implores emotional men to locate their balls and curb the blubbering
Joel Stein
When it comes to crying, women can squish up their cheeks and make weird, shrieking, catlike noises. But a "real" man could see his entire family eaten by aliens and if you Photoshopped the water from his otherwise still face, it would look as if he were watching a particularly riveting Super Bowl play.
I am an expert manly crier. When done right, a lone tear displays no weakness yet manages to say, "Baby, I care about you deeply, even if it's only in two very small ducts of my body." Man tears are powerful things.
And they should be used rarely. Because while women say they want an emotional dude, a man who displays his feelings too readily will turn off many women because he appears feeble. The trick is to show just a little vulnerability now and then to reassure women we're not robots. Too much crying and we lose the only clear-cut role we have left (now that females are more educated and often more highly paid than we are): being the protector. Then, all we'll be good for is opening jars.
But lately the brotherhood has been shedding tears too easily, too publicly, and too lame-reason-y. Conan O'Brien supposedly cried when he announced to his staff that he was going to give up hosting The Tonight Show. Wyclef Jean cried after his charity, Yele Haiti, was accused of wrongdoing. Then earlier this year, Evan Lysacek of the U.S. men's Olympic figure-skating team cried while awaiting his scores in Vancouver. Every man knows the only sport you should cry over is T-ball.
These guys are driving down the price of my precious man tears, and it must stop. "Today's man is different from men 20 years ago," says clinical psychologist Michael Diamond, Ph.D., author of My Father Before Me, whom I called to find out why men are dissolving like this. "Part of it stems from gender roles not being as stringent as they were in the past, and the economy has contributed to that. This has made some men drop the macho act. But society hasn't really accepted this yet, which is why men don't get sympathy when they cry."
A tendency to tear up will only get worse as your guy gets older. "As men age, they become more comfortable with their nurturing, more relationship-oriented side," says Diamond. "And although it's not clear why, a decline in testosterone may play a part in it." For all these reasons, the faucet turns on more easily with each passing year.
At the very least, we need women to stop giving us mixed messages. "Women say they want a sensitive man, but they still want him to be strong," says Diamond. "Perhaps a strong man is one who feels so comfortable with his sexuality that he can cry without caring what others think."
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Behind the Tears
Nonverbal expert Joe Navarro, author of Louder Than Words, weighs in on the legitimacy of some high-profile waterworks.
1) Wyclef Jean, reacting to accusations against his charity, Yele Haiti: "This is a look of extreme pain. It's tough to do--actors often can't do it well. His eyes are clearly showing that he's fighting the pain."
2) Brett Favre, talking about his decision to retire from the Green Bay Packers in 2008: "He's trying to appear stoic and controlled. His compressed lips and forehead show that he's suppressing a lot of emotion and tension."
3) Roger Federer, after losing his final match at the 2009 Australian Open: "His chin is down, which indicates a deep negative emotion. He has redness around his eyes and nose--this happens with real tears."
4) President Barack Obama, the day after his grandmother passed away: "The crinkle of skin above his nose and the furrowing and stitching of the brow are things people do only when they are in deep emotional pain."
5) South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, after admitting to an extramarital affair: "There are emotions when we are caught, and emotions when we feel bad. It's hard to differentiate between the two here."
6) Jake Pavelka, after being eliminated on season 10 of Dancing with the Stars: "The blank, distant look in his watery eyes is a sign of genuine grief. His pinched eyebrows also indicate deep discomfort and pain."
What Men Say Makes Them Weep
Source: MensHealth.com
Death of a pet 33%
Crying is for girls! 20%
Birth of a child 16%
Being dumped 15%
Sad movies 8%
Physical pain 6%
Weddings 2%
Want More? Subscribe Today and Save 80% Off the Cover Price!
Last updated: July 7, 2010 Issue date: July-August 2010
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Guys today are so soft, could you imagine Clark Gable or Humphry Bogart crying? Come on!
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I usually enjoy reading Women's Heatlh, and have been a reader for many years. However, this most recent edition might cause me to think otherwise. An article on why men shouldn't cry?? The author writes "Too much crying and we lose the only clear-cut role we have left (now that females are more educated and often more highly paid than we are): being the protector. Then, all we'll be good for is opening jars." I honestly cannot even believe that this would be published! It's 2010, and this is being published? Isn't this magazine suppose to promote and encourage being and becoming a strong, awesome, bad ass women?
This article assumes that the kind of "man" us women want is a manipulator who hides his emotions, acts tough and shows a "smidge" of vulnerability when convenient. If this is the kind of "man" that the Women's Health editors imagine is the ideal match for its readers, then it should reexamine who their readers are. Do you think we want to date teenagers? As a 28 year old, I no longer feel the desire to be with a man who has the emotional capacity of a 16 year old. I certainly don't need a "protector" nor would I want to be with a guy who thought that was his only role in our relationship! Apparently, if a man cries because he is waiting to hear the results of his score at the Olympics (as the author describes Evan Lyseck, a member of the U.S. men's Olympic Figure-skating team, having done), that is too "lame-reason-y." Umm.. I may be by myself here, but I'm pretty sure that doing what Mr. Lyseck did, and waiting to hear if you won the gold medal, could possibly be the most amazing thing in the world. So amazing, that you may not be able to stop yourself from being "vulnerable" and "lame."
Then the article examines the "legitimacy" of high-profile men crying. Why are we examining this? Who cares?! It also shows us the top reasons why men cry, the 2nd reason being "crying is for girls." What??? Is this suppose to be funny? Why did this magazine allow to publish an article that so blatantly genders and sexualizes something as simple, and NATURAL, as crying?
The author obviously doesn't know what women want, and I worry this magazine doesn't either. I don't want to be with a man who is so emotionally immature, that he thinks crying causes people to question his sexuality. I would never want to be with a man who thought he had to adjust his emotions and behaviors to fit in better with social norms. That would be quite "lame-reason-y." All this article does is say that it's OK to judge, label and assume things of people when they don't fit into cookie-cutter shapes of how a "man" and a "woman" should be. I think this article is out of touch and I fear that by publishing it, Women's Health is too.
Women are MOST CERTAINLY not paid more than men on average! We're still trucking on at 77 cents to your dollar. Shame on you for printing something that is not true! Women are RARELY paid more than men.
If you compare a female lawyer to a male janitor, then she is probably making more... but compare a female lawyer to a male lawyer and it's almost guaranteed she'll be making less.
Real men do cry just not in public.
Hi,
I'm a woman and I don't think it's weak at all for men and/or women to cry. I think that it's practical and that crying and emotional expression done in a healthy manner is important and leads to greater mental and emotional stability.
Some people are emotional to excess (crying for very small reasons,going into fits of rage for little reasons etc.)those people have poor coping skills and in my opinion should find a better way to view life through spirituality(not necessarily religion)counsiling etc.
Some people use it manipulatively and I think it's those people who give emotional expression and/or crying a bad name.
If a person doesn't express themself and they repress and/or suppress they're feelings then it can actually lead to weakness, instability, and distraction or worse.
That's my opinion. Thank you for hearing me.
~Robin
I've only seen my husband cry a few times in the six years we have been together. The first time I ever saw him cry is when we were in a hole financially and there didn't seem to be a way out at the time. The other time I've seem him really cry was when his mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Otherwise at the births of both of children he got really teary eyed. :) He's a man for sure though!
My boyfriend cries waaaaay too much. I feel like he only does it when it's going to either get him something he wants or to prevent something negative from happening (like me breaking up with him).